Jesus or Emily Post?

I'm most probably treading on thin ice here, but this topic is something that my mind has struggled with for quite a while.

Maybe it's intensified during this season (graduations, weddings, bridal and baby showers) but I recently spoke with (yet again) a person who is "struggling" with the "rudeness" of this young generation. This person had not received an appropriate "thank you note" in an appropriate time frame after being presented with a gift.

Ok, settle down and hear me out :) I am the last person to promote a spirit of entitlement; I'm the first to encourage (with passion) an attitude of gratitude. However, this latest incident caused me to think: this dear person's anger, disappointment, hurt, was due to an unmet expectation. Was the expectation a biblical one, or a cultural one, based on American tradition?

In Jesus' day, and in the days of the early church, what was the standard and principle of giving? Jesus told His disciples that "You received without paying; give without pay." (Matthew 10:8 ESV)
Jesus is referring to what they have received from God, and they should give in that spirit; it's not just about money, but time, talents, possessions. How many "thank you cards" have you written out and "sent" to God for all the blessings He has so graciously bestowed? Yes, that is an absurd statement! God doesn't expect us to give "thank you notes," and there is no amount of thanks we could ever give to God to repay what He has done. We show our gratitude by living our lives His way, by His Word, under His authority.

“When you give a dinner or a banquet, do not invite your friends or your brothers or your relatives or rich neighbors, lest they also invite you in return and you be repaid. But when you give a feast, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you. For you will be repaid at the resurrection of the just.” (Luke 14:12-14 ESV)
This parable actually brings up another infraction of rules of etiquette. Have you ever invited someone to your home for a meal, and then waited for the reciprocal invitation? Have you felt "slighted" or "taken advantage of" when it didn't come, or didn't come within an appropriate amount of time? What is behind your motivation to be hospitable? My heart breaks when I hear, even in jest, "yes, I'm going to ______(shower/wedding/recital/etc.) because I want to make sure people come and bring gifts when it's my turn. . ." How self-seeking is that?!

"Even in Thessalonica you sent me help for my needs once and again. Not that I seek the gift, but I seek the fruit that increases to your credit. I have received full payment, and more. I am well supplied, having received from Epaphroditus the gifts you sent, a fragrant offering, a sacrifice acceptable and pleasing to God." (Philippians 4:16 -18 ESV)

Paul is thanking the Philippian church for their generous gift to him (see, I'm not supporting ingratitude!!), but notice: he wasn't "expecting" a gift, he was appreciative of it; he rejoiced that they gave because they were showing their gratitude to God for Paul's ministry, not because Paul "deserved" the gift. Paul definitely gave God the credit for supplying his needs, and noted that, at times, God used people as His instruments.

"The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers. Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies—in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen." (1 Peter 4:7-11 ESV)

Above all . . .the overarching, predominant motive should be love. Love that does not expect return; love that does not keep a record of wrongs suffered; love that is patient, kind, not rude or self-seeking (see 1 Corinthians 13 for the more detailed description). I am aware that the "gift" in this passage refers to spiritual gifts, rather than gift-wrapped presents, but the principle still holds. My motive for serving or teaching Sunday School or Awana or nursery or baking cookies or ANY act of service that I may offer should never be what I will receive in return. The church is NOT a co-op, where we "deposit" so many hours in order to "receive" a certain amount of hours back! Notice Who supplies the strength to give -- it's God. Who supplies any finances to buy the gift to give -- it's God. Who supplies the air you breathe in order to make the cookies or clean the room or teach the children -- it's God! "We" don't actually give anything that is ours to give; God is the ultimate Giver, the true and ultimate Supplier. Do we remember that?

When I receive gifts (of time, money or things) I try to show my appreciation appropriately. That may mean I send a card; it may be a phone call, or email, or a sincere hug. If there is a chance that you will be offended by my means of showing my appreciation, please don't let me put you in a position to stumble or be offended. I would rather receive nothing from you than cause you hurt by not meeting your expectations.

For those who receive any gifts (time, money or things) from me, I do not "expect" repayment; I'm giving because of what God has done for me, not because of what you have done for me. If you have a need, my motivation for meeting that need is because my Lord told me that when I give to you, I'm really giving to Him. If you choose to send a card or give a hug or make a phone call, I will rejoice with you in what our Gracious God has supplied!
(by the way, I looked up "gift giving" etiquette on Miss Emily's website, and "thank you notes" are not necessary if you open the gift in front of the giver, and extend a warm appreciation. So, why are we still burdening mommies-to-be when they have smiled and torn paper and thanked us already a dozen times??)

As I've been reminded often in our current sermon series, "We are Better Together." Let's really take Jesus' words to heart, "It is more blessed to give than to receive." (Acts 20:35 ESV)

I want Jesus and His Word to be my standard for living.